May seem out of character for me, i apologise for that, but i'm just fed up with things.
Not sure if you know, but i looked at the meanings of roses for this picture, the blue rose means the unattainable, and the impossible, as blue roses don't exist in nature, just fantasy. People have tried to create proper blue roses, but hence there efforts, it's just not possible. I feel a bit like that at times, nothing seems right for me at the moment, and at times i just feel like i'm breaking down, and nothings gonna pull me out of it. I may not seem like it, but I suppose its masked like the blue dye on a white rose. Everything may seem fine, until its revealed whats beneath.
Despite how I may act, i'm tired of everything. I know i'm short, I don't need you telling me every day, making the same jokes over and over, finding it funny. I know my accent is strange at times, i'm aware i can't pronounce certain things like some of you, I don't need you too point out every little thing I pronounce differently and correct me, I don't want to be treated like a foreigner in my own country. I don't need you to constantly tell me that although I may have the skills, I lack creativity and imagination in my work, despite what you think, i enjoy doing what i do wether you like it or not, and i certainly don't need you bad mouthing me behind my back to the younger years about it, but i won't mention it to you, because it won't make a difference, you can't be pleased. I may not be the prettiest person out there, hell i'm not even close, although i don't need you informing me this on a daily basis, constantly putting me down because i don't live up to your expectations, i'm sorry i can't be the 'perfect child' you want me to be, but at least you get a second shot at trying to get what you like. I may not be the smartest person ever, but when i try my best, i don't expect you to mock me in return and have a good laugh.
Im not the most social person, you'll all go out together and have fun, wether it be day or night, and tell me i should come out more also. But how can i do that without a single invite? You tell me about all the fun things you get up too, the people you meet and the more friends you make, and continue to talk about it for days in front of me, and trust me, i wish you wouldn't. Its heartbreaking to the point i feel you don't want me there, so while you're having fun i'm sat at home on my own, feeling like the loneliest person, starting to wonder wether what my mum says is true. "You don't have any friends" as harsh as she may be, every time i'm left to contemplate my thoughts, i start to think more and more she may be right.
Everything hurts you know, I wont show it, but it does. I put on a smile and a laugh to try and keep you all happy instead of myself, because in my opinion, its already too late for me. Happiness is short lived so i'd rather give it to someone else, even if it does mean emotionally i'm dying on the inside.
I've considered going to talk to someone about it, my mood changes are terrible at the moment, and they all seem to drop down into depression, but in truth, i don't want to. I've never been good at talking about things, i don't talk to my parents let alone a stranger, wether they'd help me of not, i don't know, but i don't think i'd be able to get myself too do it.
I don't want to see any comments about how cruel it is i've killed my fursona here just because she's a dog. She's mine and i'm entitled to do what i wish. It's not the point of the picture, and i will just mark it as spam.